Thursday, February 2, 2012

Aap apni beti ki shaadi kab kar rahe ho?

A daughter is born and the family starts planning of saving for "gifts" (don't use the "D" word...its too passe! Besides, we are modern people who don't support societal taboos) for here marriage.

The girl grows up.She is sent to the same school as her brother.She is allowed to play with boys.She chooses to go to college.Not too far from home.A course is chosen for her to study further.its assessed not according to her interest but the time it will take to complete.Akhir shaadi bhi toh karni hai.Bas iski shaadi ho jaye toh hum bhi apni zimmedaari se mukt! 

By the time the girl is on the right side on 25, every relative who she didn't even know ,existed, starts to pop up.Everybody is worried about her marriage.Rishtas sare suggested by "wellwishers".Everybody jumps on the marriage bandwagon in full force.A little thing is forgotten, that she aspires to work after getting a degree.But its irrelevant.


***

A son is born.The family rejoices and starts planning about his future studies.Marriage will happen later.What do we have to worry about ji, apna toh baccha bada shona hai! And besides we know all this is investment that we will get back once he gets married.We will get lots of "gifts"(No, not the "D" word..modern and all of that) from the girls side.

The boy grows up as well.Is sent to college of his choice.Chooses the course to pursue further as per his interest.Whatever time it takes but achi degree hogi toh hi toh acchii naukri milegi, phir shaadi bhi toh achi ladki se hogi!


The guy is also now a twenty something.Has completed his studies.Started working.Plans for further studies.Marriage will happen eventually.But he needs to be independent first!

***


We love to preach that there is no difference between a girl and a boy.But these cases we see in almost every house.A boy's dreams are limitless.The girl can dream too.But only about prince charming sweeping her off her feet and a happily ever after.

Families are prepared to send the daughter for further education as long as she readily marries at the age they feel is appropriate.The moment one is "marriageable age",talks begin like its of national importance that the girl gets married right away.

I have heard a lot of talk about woman emancipation.But when i encounter such talks and see it happening in front of me, I think its all hogwash.The aspects of society pressure and family giving in are not unreal.It happens and even in the most educated home.

The nouns may have changed but the trend still exists.it may not be dowry anymore,its called gifts but the feeling is the same.A daughter is not a burden anymore, she is a responsibility.Families want to get done with the responsibility as soon as she is marriageable age.But at what cost?

Why should dreams be compromised by a woman only, in the name of family,society,husband,kids and in laws?

The same woman who, after becoming a mother, swears to not let the same thing happen to her daughter.

P.S : Preachy much? But i had to do it for me.I wrote this one for myself.

18 comments:

  1. IT HAPPENS WITH MANY. ITS TIME TO STAND AGAINST IT.

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    1. Thats the sad bit Mohit! Its prevalent even in our so called modern world...

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  2. Seriously just think how many of your friends(girls) are independent.. dream and aspire to become something ?? Only few.. very few.. If every girl thinks like you, if every girl has that zeal to do something in life, if every girl can make her parents believe in her.. that she will be on the right path in her pursuits.. den der will certainly be a change :)

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    1. Raja its easier said than done.With all their will, zest and dreams the pressure is crazy to tackle.!

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  3. cheers! tension naa le, ours is going to be the last generation who will be blackmailed for this marriage shit. mast likha hai

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    1. Thank you!! I am sure ours is the last generation to suffer like this!!Our lot will be cool parents!!

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  4. same pinch..! It is so bloody pissing off

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  5. I may sound a pessimist but it will take ages to change the Indian mindset. As u said, not d 'd' word..we are modern. But no matter to what class or society you belong marriage is the best liked 'profession' for a girl.
    well written!


    sarah

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    1. I totally agree with yo0u Sarah.Except, I think what the current generation is going thru wont be carried on further and to borne by the ones to come!

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  6. Those 'distant relatives' are never great in India (probably it happens with all the countries), they are always ready to push the lever at the right time.

    These things will change after one generation as gradually will be replaced with time. The 'gift' things will remain though.

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    1. I am positively hoping it will change.The gifts as well!

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  7. Upasna things r changing fast... dont b upset....i see career girls all round me
    u know it is no longer about dowry...people today vie with each other to have d most fabulous wedding for their kids.....it is a competition who spends more..insane waste of resources.

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    1. It is insane waste of resources.But Indu the gifts exists.Totally.The name is different.The way is different.But they exist for sure!And career girls sure exists.I am one of them.But even the so called career girls are given a deadline so that parents get over their responsibility soon!

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  8. I have been looking for the similar posting like this. My day seems to be completed now. Only one thing is going on in my mind at this moment and that is giving my comment as a way of appreciating.And yes i have bookmarked your site

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    1. Awwww...You just made my day with that comment! Thank you!!

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  9. very true-but imagine earlier no one even had the choice of career and college. we've got to work with mindsets but times are a changing

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    1. Times are changing.But not too quickly.I believe it Sandy that the time will be different for the ones to come!

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